I live in a quite small studio. One day, around 6PM, I heard loud, playful children noises right by my kitchen window. They were peeking by my kitchen window, probably out of curiosity. And then, they saw me. They greeted me with so much enthusiasm. They were probably not expecting that someone would be there. Well, I wasn’t bothered. I love children a lot!
An encounter with my little, beautiful friends
They were 5 children. It was one small boy, Owen, his sister, and their 3 cousins (all girls). Owen is 5-6 years old.
Owen and his sister don’t speak the local language (Kinyarwanda) quite well. They lived in France since they were very little. They had just moved from France to Rwanda, probably for the long-term. So, they were more comfortable speaking in French.
Owen’s sister is a very warm, sharp, charming little girl. She’s the youngest of the girls, but she’s such a pack leader. Her voice is always on top of the others. A true commander! She asked me if I spoke French. I said that I did! They absolutely liked that I did. Not many Rwandans actually speak French, especially, people under 30 years of age.
They asked my name. I said it’s Blaise. I also asked their names. Quite frannkly, I didn’t get their names right away. Children these days have beutiful, meaningful, nice names, but they’re hard to get unless you read them on a paper. But I went with the flow. Children don’t care anyway. They move to other things very fast.
They asked me what I was doing. I’m a programmer and I didn’t know how to explain what I do to children their age. It’s hard enough to explain it to my parents and they still don’t exactly understand it till today. I showed them my monitor. They saw that the gibberish on the screen. Owen’s sister exclaimed: “Ooooh, you’re an IT person! We have an IT person at school and his name is also Blaise”.
They asked me if I had children. I said that I didn’t. Then they said: “No wonder your place is quiet. If there was children, it would be so loud. Children are very loud!”. I laughed histerically to their very self awareness!
They peppered me with a trillion questions. Then after a while, it was time to go home. It was dark. They waved goodbye and promised they would come back. They kept coming every Friday or Saturday evening. They never skipped. I kept looking forward to talking to them again. They also came with more questions to understand me a bit more.
One day, Owen’s sister said: “Blaise, you should get married”. I asked why. They all said in unison: “Because you’re lonely Blaise”. What???? I was shocked how children that age have profound understanding of adults’ relationships and the concept of marriage. They told me they want to attend my wedding and that they’re going to find me a girlfriend.
Owen’s words melted my heart
Owen is a very quiet, observant boy. He’s not shy. He just doesn’t talk a lot or shout like the others. He just waits and when he speaks, he asks such deep, profound questions for his age.
So, one of those evenings, they came with the good news. Owen’s sister had found me a girlfriend. She was very enthusiastic about it. Blaise and her beautiful teacher. Match made in heaven! Her 3 cousins objected though. They’re a bit older, so, they’re a bit wiser. They said she had a child and divorced. Owen’s sister didn’t see a problem in that. The cousins though, very against it. So, they asked what my opinion was. I said that it wouldn’t be a good idea. Well, Owen’s sister said she’s going to find someone else. She said she had a few ideas.
In all these conversations, Owen is just listening and observing. Still, not saying much.
Then, a short moment of silence came.
Owen had found his moment. He wanted to say something.
He said: “Blaise, you’re so gentle and handsome. I also like your beards. I hope I get beards just like yours when I grow up.”
These words made me feel a certain way that I have never felt in my 30 years of existence. I interact with children all the time. But no child has ever brought that emotion out of me.
Till this day, I don’t understand why that felt special. Was it the compliment? Was it that it’s a compliment from a child? Is it the way he said it? Or the timing? I’ve heard people say how children’s compliments feel so so different. But no compliment has ever hit me like Owen’s words. I still don’t understand it, honestly!
For many days, that moment kept coming back to my mind. And each time, I would feel the same intense emotion; goose bumps, teary eyes, a big smile to my face, …
So, why do people have children?
For many years, It didn’t make sense to me why people have children. My argument was that the world is so cruel, so unpredictable, and ever changing in a negative way, that it doesn’t deserve the purity, beauty, and innocence of a child. I thought it was so selfish for someone to bring a child into this world, only because it made them happy. How can you bring someone on earth, who will live 80+ years on this cruel planet, endure the pain, failures, losses, death and other painful experiences of life just because you want to be happy? Can’t you just find something else to do? Play a sport? Travel? Eat the good food? Find whatever will make you happy, without involving a child who didn’t consent to be here in the first place.
But recently, I’ve realized that a cruel world is not an argument against. It’s actually an argument for having a child. Why?
Well, the world is so cruel and demanding, that the only thing worth the effort is nurturing the innocence of a child, protecting it, providing with all the love there’s is to give. These children will then transform all the love you gave to them into courage to face the cruel earth, and possibly make the world a better place.
Everyone who has ever made money say they don’t feel any happier. In fact, some people say they became miserable after getting money. Others say they enjoy the work they do. But I haven’t heard anyone say their career or money was more satisfying than the experience of parenting.
So, why is the pain of the world an argument for being a parent?
Well, have you noticed that people who have been loved and taken care of by their parents walk the earth with more confidence and less anxiety? They face challenges just like anyone else. But they don’t shy away from them. They face them head on. It’s like they feel a safety net somehow. They also seem to enjoy life even when conditions are not perfect.
Almost all parents fight for their children. They say a mother’s love is the strongest force on the planet. And I believe it.
When Owen said those words to me, I felt so strong and protective, that I would do ANYTHING for those children. By anything, I mean anything. I’d go through the most excruciating pain just for them to have a good childhood. Yet, Owen, sisters, and cousins are not my children. Now, imagine if they were my children? I’d do even more! Those words alone would keep me going through any wall or desert.
And the universe rewards parents who give all the love to their children.
I have always wondered why some children who grew up with nothing seem to be confident, yet children of some elites seem to be all kinds of messed up. It’s usually that genuine, parent’s love that’s missing. Their parents were not present. Even when they were, they didn’t put in all the effort. Children notice the effort.
Surprisingly, children seem to love anything you give them. They are so easy to satisfy, as long as you give them something with love. They sense it when you’ve done your best.
So, children are like an echo of positivity. You bring them on a messed up earth. They give you the courage, unconditional love to face that same messed up earth. In turn, when you love them and their mother with all you have, they often turn out great, ready to face that messed up earth. And they’ll potentially make a positive impact.
I’ll always be grateful for Owen who made me have this realization. I hope I can meet him when he’s grown with the beards like mine (As he wished) and tell him all this in person. His words are a memory I’ll cherish all my life. Same as all the interactions I have with all the children.
Like I said, Owen is so loved at home. Now, look how he changed my strongly held opinion with just his very few words! He’s already made an impact BEFORE he’s even 6 years old.
My message to parents now would be, LOVE your children. LOVE their mother/father. IT MATTERS MORE THAN YOU THINK. Give it everything you can. For those parents who do, like Owen’s parents, THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Cheers!